How to Talk to Girls at a Party
Parties are a great opportunity to be a social butterfly and make new relationships with people that you don’t know. However, if you tend to get nervous when you’re in social situations, going up to talk to a girl can be hard. Luckily, if you look and feel confident, work on your conversation skills, and make a good first impression, you can build up your confidence and talk to any girl that you want to.
Introducing Yourself
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1
Scan the room and assess the people there. Before you walk up to a random girl, it’s a good idea to scan the room and figure out what’s going on. Look at the people at the party and figure out who came together. Find girls that look bored or have no one to talk to and consider talking to those girls first.[1]
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Make eye contact. Once you’ve found the girl that you want to start a conversation with, make eye contact before approaching them. Look in their direction and wait to lock eyes with them and smile. If the girl smiles back, you can approach them. If they look away or seem uninterested, you should approach a different girl.
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3
Walk up to the girl and smile. Once you get the girl’s attention, approach her and strike up a conversation. Walk over to her and smile as you approach so that you put her at ease.
- If she smiles back and makes eye contact, it’s a good signal that she wants to talk.
- Look at her arms and whether they are crossed. Crossed off arms indicate closed body language and she may not be interested in talking to you.[2]
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4
Say “hi” and introduce yourself. If you’ve walked up to the girl and her body language says that she wants to talk, start up a conversation and introduce yourself. If they say hello back, there’s a good chance that they want to talk to you.
- Say something like “Hey, my name’s Erin. I just saw you from across the room.”
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Ask her what her name is and ask her a question. After you ask her what her name is, make sure to remember it. Asking a question can open up a conversation with the person.
- Good starter questions include “Having fun at this party?” or “Are you into the music they are playing tonight?”
Having a Good Conversation
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1
Ask her questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Act genuinely interested in her and ask her questions about herself. Keep the conversation light and ask questions about what they like and the hobbies that they enjoy. Think of questions that require more than a one-word answer so that the conversation lasts longer.[3]
- You can ask things like, “What do you think of the new Kendrick album?” or “Who is your favorite actor right now?”
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Actively listen to her. Instead of just waiting for your turn to talk, make it a point to listen to what they have to say. This will give you more things to talk about and the girl will appreciate that you’re paying attention to what she has to say.[4]
- For example, if she’s says something like “English class is so boring,” you can say something like “But what makes English boring for you?”
- Or, if she’s talking about a show you can say something like, “Yeah, Piper is so self-centered. She tries to come off as moral, but she’s really just selfish.”
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Avoid uncomfortable topics. Avoid talking about heavy politics like religion, race, gender issues, or politics. These conversations can be highly polarizing and may turn off the girl completely. Instead, keep the conversation light and on more innocuous topics.[5]
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Be funny and try to make her smile. Being witty and funny will make girls appreciate your company and will put them at ease. Point out funny contradictions and make respectful jokes relating to the topics that you’re talking about.
- If you’re not a naturally funny person and can’t think of funny things to say, stay polite and positive instead.
- You could say something like “Why do you think that beer always comes in red cups? Why not clear cups? Or blue cups?”
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5
Ask for her contact information. If the conversation went well and you want to continue to talk to them, make sure to ask for their contact information before you part ways. “Well I’m glad I met you. I’m about to dip. You think I could get your number before I go so we can chat some other time?”[6]
- You could also say something like “I really enjoyed talking to you tonight. Can I text you later?”
- You could also say something like “Are you on Facebook? I’ll add you and maybe we can message each other some time.”
- Phone numbers aren’t a big deal, so don’t overthink the situation.
Looking and Feeling Confident
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1
Take a shower and brush your teeth. Take a shower and apply underarm deodorant before you go to the party. Consider wearing cologne or body spray, but make sure the scent isn’t overpowering or it may turn girls off. Also, remember to brush your teeth and consider bringing breath mints if you struggle with bad breath.[7]
- Smelling and looking clean will also boost your confidence.
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Wear clothes you feel confident in. You don’t have to wear a suit to attract girls at a party, but the more put together and clean you look, the better.[8] Wearing clothes that you feel comfortable in will increase your confidence and make you feel good.
- If you’re at a work party, wear something more formal, like a suit or dress.
- If it’s a college house party, wear something more casual, like jeans and a shirt.
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3
Stand up straight and keep your head up. Standing straight with your head up is confident body language. Keep your body open by not crossing your arms and smile at people who make eye contact with you. This will make you look more welcoming, and will increase the chance that girls will want to talk to you.[9]
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4
Introduce yourself to a lot of girls. The more that you interact with girls at parties, the more natural it will feel. Also, you’ll be able to get information on what works and what doesn’t for you. Trying to talk to a lot of girls will also lessen the negative feelings you might have from someone not being interested.
- Don’t dwell on bad conversations, just try to meet new girls.
- Make negative situations a learning experience.
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Make small goals for the party. If you are still feeling overwhelmed and can’t talk to girls at parties, make smaller, easily accomplishable goals for yourself.[10] Goals can include things like talking to five different girls at the party, smiling and making eye contact with two girls, or asking for at least two girl’s phone numbers. Eventually, you’ll be able to move onto full blown conversations without feeling nervous.
