How to fight fair in love? – People who love and respect one another will not fight to win an argument; they will fight because they are hurt or misunderstood.
The majority of lovers are blissfully unaware of this, but do you believe your partner is arguing with you in order to control you?
The next time you find yourself in a relationship conflict, remember these ten steps for fighting fairly in love and emerging as winners who have strengthened their relationship rather than weakened it.
1. Maintain a laser-like focus on the conflict
When you fight in a relationship, it’s easy to lose sight of the real conflict, even more so when you’re on the losing end. You may begin by arguing about how your partner leaves you alone at a party and escalate the argument to how your partner does not assist you with household chores.
However, is that truly assisting you in making your point here, or is it simply resulting in your partner shutting down in frustration? Always return to the source of your annoyance or outrage. It’s much easier to concentrate on a single aspect and resolve the issue than it is to go in circles.
2. Avoid bringing up previous conflicts.
If you want to learn how to fight fairly in a relationship, avoid bringing up irrelevant details about your past in order to make your partner miserable. If your partner was on the verge of cheating on you three years ago, there is no reason to bring it up in order to win an argument or get your partner to shut up.
3. Avoid delivering a low blow to your lover.
When all you see is red due to your defeat, the simplest way to injure your partner is to strike them where it hurts. By discussing how fat or ugly your partner has become or how much of a loser they have become, you will undoubtedly trigger a sensitive nerve and may even bring your lover to tears. However, why would you ever do such a thing? Simply to demonstrate that you are correct and your mate is incorrect? If you want to fight fairly, you should always avoid a low blow that can permanently traumatize your opponent.
4. Avoid being sarcastic
Sarcasm can be extremely painful. And it can be significantly more painful when used in a lovers’ quarrel. Additionally, it may enrage your mate, prompting them to begin low-balling you or bringing up old grudges in order to exact revenge. And what began as a misunderstanding can escalate into an all-out war, with no end in sight.
5. Take time to listen to one another
Contrary to popular belief, an argument will always help a relationship improve, and both parties gain a better understanding of one another. That is, as long as both of you respect the other’s viewpoints and are willing to listen to one another without interrupting.
You may feel aggrieved by an accusation or have a very legitimate point to make in retaliation. However, make a concerted effort to avoid cutting your partner and instead listen to what they have to say. Oftentimes, a display of frustration is more of a plea for attention.
6. Avoid raising your voices.
While raised voices were effective in the Roman senate, they will never help in a relationship conflict. When one partner raises their voice, the other partner becomes enraged and may begin yelling as well or may even throw a few things in frustration. Never attempt to make a mountain out of a molehill, and avoid raising your voice unless absolutely necessary. When you make an effort to maintain control and speak in a calm tone, you will also assist your partner in calming down and facilitating a discussion rather than a fight.
7. Refrain from gloating over your victories
If you want to fight fairly in a relationship, you should develop the humility to accept an apology. By acting bossy or gloating over the fact that your partner apologized to you, you will only force your partner to become someone who never apologizes as a result of your behavior following a “victory” in a fight.
Apologizing and accepting apologies with humility are necessary components of happy relationships. It brings the two of you closer together as long as neither of you loses respect for the other or constructs an egoistic wall between you.
8. Do not blame your partner for your failures. Did you arrive late for work as a result of your partner’s failure to wake you up on time? It is entirely your fault. If you want to get up earlier, make an effort on your own. Are you constantly frustrated that you are a stay-at-home parent or a stay-at-home parent and not a restaurateur? Take action or make the best of the situation you are in.
Avoid blaming others for your misfortunes or shortcomings. If you have strong feelings about something, express them without losing your temper. It could be either of your faults or neither of yours. Occasionally, it may all be a big misunderstanding.
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9. Remind yourself why you’re fighting.
The majority of couples always forget the true source of their conflict. Always keep in mind that both of you are fighting for the same reason: one of you is hurt and wants to be heard. Never lose sight of this.
If you and your partner find yourselves arguing over something trivial, keep in mind that resolving it will help you build a stronger relationship, rather than waiting to pounce on your partner with a barrage of accusations, attempt to end the argument and understand each other’s points of view at the conclusion.
10. Makeup and kiss
You may have numerous disagreements or arguments in your relationship, but each one of them has the potential to bring the two of you closer together and to help either of you understand the other.
As enraged as both of you may be, always embrace, kiss, and reconcile following a fight, even if you are unable to reach an agreement. Avoid locking yourself in a room or fleeing the house. It exacerbates the situation for both of you, and you are merely prolonging something that can be resolved in a matter of minutes.
The next time you find yourself embroiled in a conflict, use these ten steps to help you understand how to fight fairly in a relationship. Odds are, once the dust settles, you will have a better understanding of one another and a happier relationship.