How to Be a Player
A player is an ice-cold Casanova who leaves a trail of broken hearts wherever he goes. When he walks into a room, all the women line up to talk to him, and practically beg to be taken out. And if he’s good at what he does, he’ll have a woman in his bed faster than he can say, “check, please!” If you’re already a player and want to hone your skills, or if this sounds like the right lifestyle for you, read on.
Think Like a Player
Be confident. You can walk and talk like a player, but if you don’t have the right mindset, the ladies will be turned off. Before you become a true player, you have to work to have true self-confidence. Here’s how to do it:
- Ease your anxieties. Think about anything you may be worried about–your future, your family, or your career–and try to minimize your anxieties about all aspects of your life. A healthy amount of stress is normal, but if you’re obsessing too much about what can go wrong, you won’t be able to think in the moment, and the ladies will know you have too much on your mind.
- Address your flaws. Be aware of your shortcomings, and work to improve them. Are you a bad listener, disorganized, or too easily distracted? Make a plan to work on improving these characteristics little by little. Nobody’s perfect, but everyone can improve.
- Think positive. When you walk into a room, think of the three things you like most about yourself instead of the three things you want to work on. If you think positive about yourself, the ladies will follow.
Don’t get attached. A true player should value quantity over quality, so if you’re committed to this lifestyle, you need to enjoy the company of as many women as possible, and not get hung up on one girl. If you’re worrying about when what a certain girl thinks of you, or when she’ll call, then you’re approaching girlfriend territory with her, and you should put your guard up. Here’s how to keep things open:
- If you feel that a girl is getting too close to you, pull away. If a girl is initiating deep conversations about your personal lives, wanting to move in with you, or plan a romantic vacation, then she definitely wants to be your girlfriend, and you should move on.
- Keep things light. Enjoy a woman’s company, but don’t let her make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Focus on having a good time both out in the world and in the bedroom, and change the topic when things get too deep.
- Don’t think mushy thoughts. When you see a potential conquest, you should be thinking about how much fun you’ll having dancing, making out, or hooking up–not what your grandkids would look like. Think cool, and the rest will follow.
- If you’ve really found the right girl, it may be time to rethink your lifestyle. Even a true player can fall a victim to love, and if you’ve found a girl who makes you feel like she really is the only girl in the world and the person you want to spend all of your time with, then don’t give her up. This is rare in the life of the true player, but if you really can’t control how you feel, it may be worth it to tell the other ladies you’re off the market.
Always think of your next move. Like a true chess champ, you should always be at least one step–or many–ahead of the game. If you only focus on the present, you won’t have a revolving door of women in your life. Here’s how to do it:
- Have a game plan for your night. If you’re out at a club, think of your next location. Will you be taking the lady to more intimate bar, to your crib, or to a friend’s fancy after party? Before you pick the girl, plan your moves for the night, so you don’t waste your time figuring out what to do.
- Have a plan for your weekends. You may have just finished saying goodbye to your latest girl, but what are you doing the next night? Unless you want to spend it sitting alone in your basement and checking your phone, you should already have a lady lined up.
Look Like a Player
Have the right clothes. You have to look the part before you can act the part. A true player should look smooth, but like he’s not trying too hard. His clothes should have one goal–to help him find women who want to rip them off. Here are some ways to wear the perfect clothes:
- Wear a nice long-sleeved button down shirt over a tight tank top. The ladies will want to get you down to your tight shirt so they can feel your muscles. Always wear shirts that hint at or display your killer biceps.
- Wear pants that are a little loose so they can hang low. Show the ladies just a hint of your boxers, and find excuses to lift up your shirt so they can see your rock hard abs. Once they see your happy trail, they’ll want to follow it all the way down.
- Have smart shoes. Whether you’re out at a fancy restaurant or wearing more casual sneakers at the gym, make it clear that your shoes are brand-new and expensive. The ladies will think you’ll shell out the same amount of cash that you spent on your shoes on your fancy dates.
- Wear a few key accessories. Have a fun wallet, a big gold chain, and flashy jewelry. You are not trying to be subtle, player. Have a leather belt with a flashy buckle, so the ladies are already looking in the right direction.
Have the right body. Being a player isn’t all fun and games. To keep up the player look, you have to put in long hours at the gym. You won’t be able to seduce the ladies if your biceps look like string beans. Here’s how to do it:
- Develop your cardio. Start by running for just one or two miles, but learn to run for at least five miles without getting winded. You won’t be much of a Don Juan if you’re wheezing while you leading your latest conquest up a staircase.
- Build muscle. Do whatever you can to have rock-hard abs, impeccable pecs, and strong shoulders. Hit up the bench press at the gym, or try a sport that will help build muscle, like boxing or basketball.
- Eat right. If you’re taking a lady on a dinner date, you can eat something manly like a juicy steak, but when you’re on your own, try to eat a healthy balance of fruits, veggies, proteins, and carbs. Eating the right foods, especially proteins, can help you burn fat and build muscle.
Have the perfect body language. Having an open and assertive body will show your lady of the week that you’re not only confident but that you’re focusing all of your energy on her–for the time being. Here’s how to do it:
- Make killer eye contact. When you’re talking to a lady, look deep into her eyes, like you could jump right into them. This will make her blush and will easily turn her on. Make her feel like the only girl not only in the room, but in the world.
- Lean in closely when you talk. When you talk to girl who is obviously into you, lean in real close, like you could kiss her at any moment. This will leave her wanting more.
- Face your arms and body in her direction. Don’t cross your arms, or turn your legs away from her. Everything about your body should say, “Hey baby, I’m ready.”
Clean up like a player. Hygiene is just as important as having the right clothes or body language. The ladies won’t be charmed by you if you smell like you spend the night in an alley. Here’s how to seduce them by your ability to clean up:
- Wear a powerful, manly cologne. That will make the ladies want to faint in your arms.
- Shower and wash your hair at least once a day. Use a manly body wash and shampoo to leave the ladies swooning.
- Use hair gel. Give your hair an extra kick with some gel–the ladies will want to run their fingers through it.
- Always have fresh breath. You’ll need it for close-talking.
- Have a fresh face. Shave off your facial hair, and run your hands over your face. Turn to your girl and say, “Feel how smooth that is, girl.”
Have a player-worthy crib. To complete the part of a player, you not only have to look like a player, but your crib has to be worthy of the ladies too. Here’s how to have a sexy crash pad for your lady:
- Keep it clean. Since you can bring home a lady at the blink of any eye, you should always keep fresh sheets, clean counters, and most importantly–a spotless bathroom. If your lady is grossed out as soon as she walks into your place, she’ll be calling for a cab before you can make your first move.
- Always have reinforcements. Stock your home with bottles of wine and sexy snacks like grapes or strawberries.
- Keep it sleek. Leather couches, shiny lamps, and a flat-screen TV will make your lady feel at home in your love nest. If you can’t afford to have a killer bachelor pad, focus on keeping your place clean.
Walk the Player Walk
Choose wisely. Before you go in for the kill, you need to make sure to pick a lady who will be receptive to your player ways. If you choose the wrong girl, you may either end up with someone who is just not interested, or who wants to get wifed up ASAP. Here’s how to find the right girl:
- Look for a girl who is laughing, obviously having fun, and looking to have a good time. Don’t talk to anyone who is obviously bored, checking her phone, or just looking around for something better to do. A girl like that is a soft target for a reason, and you want someone who is worth impressing.
- Avoid ladies who are looking for a husband. Many of the ladies you approach will be looking for more than a fling. Any girl who mentions having you meet her parents, wanting to settle down, or talks about how many times she’s been a bridesmaid probably doesn’t want to be your tenth favorite girl. Let this lady find her soul mate, and don’t waste your time–or hers.
- Avoid girls who are obviously taken. If you spot a hottie who is barely interested in some guy who is trying to make a move on her, then go for it. But if a lady is batting eyes at her boyfriend or suitor, unless you’re really up for the challenge, find someone who is still fun but not so clearly off-limits.
Make the girl feel special. Approach a group of ladies, and have fun chatting them up and showing you’re a great guy to be around. But after a while, home in on the lady of your choosing, and find a way to isolate her and make her feel unique. Here’s how:
- Have a light opening. Start off by teasing her or just asking what she’d like to drink. Make her laugh and show that you’re a person worth talking to.
- Tell her that she’s special. Say something like, “There’s something different about you.” Make her feel like she really stands out, and that you understand that there is something extra unique about her.
- Compliment her. Don’t overdo it, but tell her at least three things you like about her, whether it’s her eyes, her dance moves, or her laugh. You don’t have to say anything deep–just let her know that you appreciate who she is and want to get to know her.
Be a gentleman. Treat her, the waiter, her friends, and strangers with complete respect. This signals to her that you’re the good kind of mysterious, and that you’ll treat her well.
- Hold doors for people, help her put on her jacket, and listen closely to what she wants.
Be cool if she says no. Maybe she isn’t comfortable with casual sex, maybe she isn’t looking for that type of fun tonight, or maybe she isn’t into guys. Stay cool and shrug it off.
- If you get turned down right off the bat, give her a polite nod and say “All right. Have a good night.” Then look for a more receptive woman.
- If she doesn’t want to take things up past a certain level, accept her decision and cool things down. Stay casual and don’t pressure her.
Don’t mislead her. The difference between a good player and a jerk is that a jerk is willing to lie to a lady. You don’t want to hook up with a woman who thinks this is the beginning of a long-term relationship. Let her know that you aren’t looking for commitment, so that there are no awkward misunderstandings later.
Always be closing. Follow your A-B-Cs and remember to always try to take your conversation to the next level. Your goal is to get your lady into bed, not to have a deep conversation about the meaning of life. When you hit it off with a lady, you should show her that you want to take it to the next level. Here’s how:
- Be casual. Just say something like, “You wanna get out of here?” Or, “How about we go somewhere where we can really talk?”
- Put the moves on. Once you get your lady alone, touch her gently, or ask if you can take off her coat. Seduce her as quickly as you can, as long as she’s into it.
Be sexy in the sack. To be a true player, you have to show the ladies that you’re not just all talk. Here’s are some tips for being great in bed so the ladies put your on their speed dial:
- Give your lady a massage. Massage her shoulders, her lower back, or even her feet, to show that you know how to touch her body.
- Kiss with passion. Don’t shove your tongue in your lady’s mouth–start with a gentle kiss and work your way toward an all-out makeout.
- Once you’re in bed, take your time. Give your girl enough time to be ready for sex. Tease her, bite her gently, or do whatever you need to do to turn her on. Just don’t rush into sex because that can just be painful and definitely not hot.
- When it’s over, be courteous. You don’t have to spend hours cuddling in bed once the deed is done, but spending some time with your lady, gently kissing her, or letting her spend the night, will make her feel more special than if you instantly jump in the shower once your passion has run its course.
Play it cool. Once you’ve had a good time with your new woman, it’s important to have the right attitude so you can see her again if you want, or at least leave on a good note so she doesn’t talk trash about you to her girlfriends. Here’s how:
- Be vague about when you’ll see her again. Tell her you’ll see her around. Don’t try to set up a dinner date for the following week–that’s not how players roll.
- Be a gentleman. Help her put her coat on and walk her to the door or to her car. Make a good last impression so she doesn’t think you’re completely sleazy.
- Don’t overdo it with your flattery. Tell her you had a great time, but don’t tell her you had the best night of your life. Be real and don’t make her think you’re something you’re not.
- End on a good note. As you say goodbye, make her laugh, give her a gentle kiss, or remind her of something from the night before. Make sure she wants to see you again–it’s up to you to decide if you want to see her again or to move on. If you do want to see her again, give it a few days before you check in. Play on, player!
You Should be a Player If…
You’re not looking for stability. Being a player is not about finding The One. It is about getting to know lots of people, moving quickly from one partner to the other. Neither mode of dating is “right,” but you should know that being a player is a shallow, surface-level way to make connections.
- If you’re looking for deep emotional connections, don’t be a player.
- If you want to find someone to settle down with, don’t be a player.
- If you don’t feel comfortable letting people down, don’t be a player.
You love to go out and meet new people. The player lifestyle is constantly on the move. You’re going to new parties, clubs, and events every weekend, and you are constantly making new friends. A player has a wide range of friends, though only a few of them are necessarily “close” friends.
- If you’d rather sit in and watch Netflix, don’t be a player.
- If you’d rather meet the gang at your favorite bar each weekend, don’t be a player.
- If you want the comfort and ease of long-term relationships, don’t be a player.
You’re okay hurting a few people’s feelings. The reality of being a player is that feelings are going to hurt. Some people are going to get attached. You might even get unexpectedly attached. If you’re committed to playing the field, you’re never going to have full control over the emotions of others. Every now and then things won’t end as neatly as you hope. You’re going to have to firmly, though politely, let people down.
- If you’d rather not break up with people, don’t be a player.
- If you know you struggle with confrontation, don’t be a player.
- If you feel bad about sleeping with someone and leaving the next morning, don’t be a player.
You’re ready to juggle multiple partners at once. Being a player is not about being monogamous. But handling several partners at the same time is not easy, especially if you’re not telling them who else you’re seeing. This isn’t to say it’s wrong or unethical. You just need to know what you’re getting into.
- If you’re uncomfortable keeping multiple relationships going, don’t be a player.
- If you hate managing relationships, texting, and keeping secrets, don’t be a player.
- If you have a moral or ethical problem with polyamory, don’t be a player.
You’re willing to try new things. At the end of the day, you don’t have to choose between being a player and avoiding the game. You can, of course, fall somewhere in the middle. If you’re unsure about this, just give it a shot. Try to meet a few new partners, and keep them all low key. The following advice doesn’t have to be followed to the letter if you’re just interested in exploring your relationships a bit more.